Love Life Routine and Uninspired? Looking for a Little Spice?
When you're in a committed relationship, particularly one that has weathered the test of time, sex has a way of becoming mundane and uninspired. The passion and spontaneity of those early days fades. It's not that you don't love one another and it's not that you don't enjoy those moments you do share, it's just that life is busy and tiring and next thing you know it's been a while since you've both stumbled upon a mutually convenient time to enjoy one another's pleasures. And when you do, you seem to always follow the same old routine.
You Are NOT AloneFace it: the way your life is going, there is really no change in sight. This seems to be the new normal, but you're not alone.
Many couples face the same problem. According to data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, the top-searched marriage complaint on Google is “sexless marriage.” What’s more, searches for “sexless marriage” are 3.5 times more common than “unhappy marriage” and 8 times more common than “loveless marriage.”
According to the Austin Institute for the Study of Family and Culture, 1 in 5 married couples haven't had sex in the last month, 12% haven't had sex in the last 3 months, and 6% haven't had sex in the last year!
Of course, this problem is not limited to marriages. Relationships of any substantial length share a similar pattern of sexual activity: hot, passionate and frequent at the beginning tapering to much less frequent over time.
And it's not that you both don't really want more.
Despite Your Doubts, Your Partner Probably Feels the Same WayStudies show that generally BOTH partners in a relationship where the passions have cooled really want more intimacy with their partner, but often neither realizes their partner feels the same way. You love one another, you have made a life together, and you likely share a history of passion and excitement. That can be rekindled. You can have it back.
So, What is the Secret to Reviving the Passion?
Fortunately, it is really not that difficult to rekindle your love life. There is plenty of information online to help you and your partner.
Dr. Frederick of Chapman University recently published What Keeps Passion Alive? in The Journal of Sex Research. In this study, he and his team studied sexual satisfaction -- or dissatisfaction -- of couples in long-term relationships, and what contributed to keeping their sexual passion alive.
The results were both simple and eye-opening:
"Sexual satisfaction and maintenance of passion were higher among people who had sex more frequently, received more oral sex, had more consistent orgasms, incorporated more variety of sexual acts, took the time to set a mood and practiced effective sexual communication," said Dr. Frederick. "Almost half of satisfied and dissatisfied couples read sexual self-help books and magazine articles, but what set sexually satisfied couples apart was that they actually tried some of the ideas."
And there lies the key, a desire for change and a willingness to try.
So what things should you try?
Specifically, the research team found that sexually satisfied men and women :
•engaged in more intimate behaviors, such as cuddling, gentle and deep kissing and laughing together during sexual activity
•incorporated more acts of sexual variety such as trying new sexual positions or acting out fantasies
•more frequently set a romantic or sexual mood such as lighting candles or playing music
•used communication effectively, such as saying "I love you" during sex or sending a teasing text earlier in the day
•gave and received more oral sex, orgasmed more frequently, and had sex more frequently.
Simply put, it seems that those who have more sex have more variety in their sex lives and are therefore more sexually satisfied.
Yea, ok. Simply Saying "Have More Sex" is Easy, but How?It's Not Like We Don't Already Want To.
So Here's the Plan
The difficulty people have with such suggestions is that without some outside force guiding you, your internal drive alone is generally not strong enough to push through the change that you so desperately want.
Plus, even though it shouldn't be, it can be embarrassing to be the one to suggest new things. You worry about what your partner may think if you suggest something outside of the comfort zone that has been established by your history and routine.
So the thing you need to keep passion in your relationship -- regular, loving, varied sexual activity -- is the one thing that becomes so hard to initiate.
What if you had a simple way to encourage regular sexual encounters with your partner?
What if you had a safe way of adding variety to your sex life without the pressure of being the one who suggested or tried something different?
What if you were provided the comfort of a mutually agreed upon permission to step out of your sexual comfort zone?
What if you could quickly reignite your relationship by providing it just the elements the studies show long-term, passionate relationships are kindled by?
We can help. We do have a simple, discreet system in place to provide your relationship the boost it needs, but, in truth, you don't need us. You can do it on your own. Everything you need to know we have told you above.
Just talk with your partner, set a plan in place to share these varied, intimate moments on a regular basis, and then follow through.
Remember what Dr. Frederick said: "What set sexually satisfied couples apart was that they actually tried some of the ideas."
Honestly, there is no more to it than that. Take action and follow through on your plan, and you should soon find you have sparked new life to your relationship.
But sometimes it is easier to create the change you want in life by leaning on others. Often, it is easier when someone outside the internal pressures of the relationship provides the framework that sparks the change you are looking for. That way it is not you or your partner who is dictating the change, as you both are simply following doctor's orders.